Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah alcohol… “Hello. Yeah I’m on the bus. Its over at the storage unit. Yeah from last night. I’ll meet you there.”
After a quick examination of the man talking I could see that his right hand was bleeding and he had napkins to soak up the blood. He smelled like a combination of drugs and liquor and looked like he just got out of rehab. I’m not exactly sure what was in the storage unit, but from the looks of the guy it was probably something from the show The Wire.
On the Fairfax Connector Public Bus seat in front of him was a very overweight woman wearing the tightest spandex bike outfit that has ever been seen by a human, or alien by that matter. It didn’t just look like they were painted on, they were so tight it looked like she removed several layers of her skin and then painted it on. I kept thinking she was backing up because on her back was a red light that was constantly blinking. It was a pretty large light I guess so people wouldn’t hit her at night, but it was 7 in the morning, and she was on a bus, and it was really annoying.
At the back of the bus were the people that the guy from Casablanca would have been talking about when he said “round up the usual suspects”. I felt that there was a strong possibility that unbeknownst to the bus driver, he was the wheelman of their operation. You know when a sketch artist shows an image of the criminal and he always has a hooded sweatshirt and glasses. Well he exists, and he was on the bus.
When I got off the bus at a local shopping center I realized that the bar was nowhere near, at least not near enough to not hate walking there. I hope nobody drove by me and saw me on the Kickball walk of shame to the car...
Rewind...By the time we got to the bar I was still pretty drunk from the pregame drinking. I had two goals for the night. 1. To make out with Natalie, the one who got away. And 2. To get a picture with the hottest girl in the league (if one exists).
One girl told me that next time I get in her way when she is running the bases she would not just knock me down, but she would kill me. Then she mocked my Michelob Ultras. I never saw the girl again the rest of the night.
I remade friends with the girls from a previous story, and found out that they did in fact tell me to leave them alone and go home a few weeks ago because I was being "very inappropriate".
One girl came up to me and told me her name. “Ah, like the Cosby Show” I replied. Then all of a sudden my mind told me that maybe that name was not a character in the Cosby Show and that maybe I just made some type of a racially influenced comment. However after further review, I was correct. There was some other things that happened and that were said between saying and finding out, but I’ll just have to leave those out.
As for my two goals. Fail and Fail. I think I’m done chasing Natalie…or am I...